Empowerment UK - Empowered Thinking Creates Empowered Living

Miriam's Story

In 1996, when I was in my mid-30's, I was diagnosed by a Cognitive Psychologist as suffering from a form of depression. The condition, considered to have been with me from birth, left me with a pre-disposition to react negatively to life situations. My symptoms included severe mood swings (which developed over time, in adulthood, into physically violent outbursts; confined to the home environment), low self-esteem and tearfulness. Life felt like an up-hill struggle, every day being filled with a feeling of anger and frustration.

Prior to this diagnosis, I had spent my teens, twenties and thirties visiting various doctors asking for help with symptoms that I now know to be classical signs of depression. Not one seemed to understand the distress I was living through or, amazingly enough, considering the well-documented over-prescription of anti-depressants, gave me any form of medication. By the time I reached my early thirties, I honestly believed I was going mad. I lived in fear of the anger I was feeling, the violent outbursts it provoked and how long it would be before I caused some serious damage.

The catalyst to my positive change came one evening in the form of a suicidal thought, when I suppose I must have hit the proverbial rock bottom. After a particularly 'angry' day, I was sitting alone in my bedroom, in my usual floods of tears, when the thought, 'if this is what it's all about, I might as well end It,' popped into my head. For just a moment I seriously wanted to stop living: To be free of the continual feeling of gloom. The shock of that thought brought me to a realisation that had never occurred to me before ~ I always have a choice: After all, I'd just chosen to ignore a thought about ending my life. For so long I'd been blaming outside influences for everything that happened to me, including my thoughts and feelings: In that moment I realised that I alone was responsible for the way I think and feel.

That catalytic moment was the start of my quest to discover all there is to know about the power we hold within our mind and body. Many books and workshops later, I was aware that, although my violent tendencies had all but disappeared, and my mood swings were easing, I was still finding it difficult to lift the gloom on a regular basis and felt I could do with some help. At this point I found a new doctor who not only listened to me but understood what I needed, and it was her referral that gave me access to the Cognitive Psychologist who helped me put what I'd been learning into practice: Invaluable help for which I am still grateful.

As my newfound understanding developed, I recognised how 'waiting' for happiness and laughter to descend upon me was futile; that the sparse moments when I felt great through laughter happened only when I allowed it to. Alongside extensive study of Cognitive Therapy, Psychology and a multitude of self-help and personal development books, workshops and therapies, I started to experiment with the mechanics of Laughter, noticing how regular 'simulated' use sparked a spontaneity that had a dramatically positive effect on both my mind and body. My self-esteem blossomed and my mood swings diminished to a manageable sway.

To this day I incorporate Laughter into my daily exercise routine so that I not only 'live my lingo', I also reinforce on a daily basis the power of my mind/body connection. My life is now consistently positive due to a self-awareness that helps me recognise the moment my mind starts to wander along the road of negativity. My pre-disposition for negative thought is, I feel, still with me but I now have the tools to deal with it quickly and effectively.

Clarifier: I would like to make it clear that I'm in no way saying that I never feel upset, stressed or angry, of course I do, but by dealing with such emotions from a positive mind set, they're dealt with openly and quickly enough to prevent them festering and becoming negative.

It's clear to me now that the frustration and angst of asking for help over so many years, without receiving any clear diagnosis or prescribed 'support', was a blessing. Had I used any form of medication in an attempt to improve my condition, I would never have experienced (or probably believed) my own ability to change the chemical make-up of my mind and body.

Clarifier: I would like to make it clear that I am in no way saying that medication doesn't have its place in dealing with depression.

As living proof that positive thought and Laughter does make a difference to our wellbeing, I am developing my work in order to spread this understanding in the hope that I can help people feel good on a regular basis; and maybe even save someone the unnecessary journey to rock bottom.